K Learns Localized Microsoft Word

Special K has been called many things. Some think of her as our receptionist. I've heard mention of her as our Office Manager, which I suppose is not too far off. Our website declares her our Executive Assistant -- a nice way of saying she's The Boss Lady's slave. I like to call her my muse...

Whatever you call her, you might expect that the program Microsoft Word is the linchpin of her duties here in Crazyville. She uses it on her "machine" to create letters for The Boss Lady, to prepare "faxes" with it, to write her loquacious employee review. And yet it will probably not surprise you that Special K does not really know how to use this program. At least not on her computer.

I once walked into my office to begin another enlightening day of work to find Special K sitting at my computer working on a Word document. Her little legs dangled from my chair with her janitor-chic shoes swaying to and fro. She was propping her head up in her hand, as if maybe this skewed angle would provide the answers to her quandaries with the machine, nay, with life. For once she wasn't apologetic -- and hey, shouldn't she have been, she was on my computer? -- but simply told me that she was trying to insert our logo on to a letter that The Boss Lady has asked her to send out.

My first thought (damn logic!) was that perhaps she didn't have a copy of the logo, a problem I could easily remedy by emailing one to her right away, thus getting her off my computer. She mumbled when I suggested that, something about not needing one and how she would be finished in a minute, moving the mouse furtively, legs kicking in time. After a few minutes, during which I procured coffee, I asked Special K if she wanted me to help her. She went on to tell me that she had been shown how to insert the logo by R, but that now she couldn't quite remember and The Boss Lady wanted this document out a week ago. Yes, she had been working on this a week.

This doesn't explain why she is on my computer.

As it turns out, R had shown her how to insert the logo, but with further questioning I learned that R (who used to have my office before I worked here) had shown her using my computer. So K thought that in order to perform this function, she had to be at the exact computer she learned it. For the week prior, K, most likely, had been attempting to sneak into my office to finish the letter, only to realize that she'd forgotten the lesson. I explained to K that Microsoft Word is the same on all the "machines" and that if she learned it on my computer she could easily do it on her own computer. I'm not sure if she understood that or not, but she left my office nodding and mumbling.

A week later The Boss Lady called me and asked me if I could help Special K insert the logo on the now 2-week-overdue letter. I did it, and now this responsibility has been mine for all letters requiring the logo sent out by Special K, since The Boss Lady doesn't know how to do it either.