I'm not sure if this is a worthy post or not. I'm a rather willful person, so this could just be one of those things that gets under my skin, but really isn't a big deal. Whatever.
I shorten my name like many people in the world do -- you Kates, Jens, Beckys and Robs know what I'm talking about! I use my full name on my resume, it's on my business cards because that's how they came to me, and my father calls me my full name from time to time, even when I'm not in trouble.
Nearly everyone seems to go along with this system pretty well, and have for years now: I introduce myself, they call me by the name I call myself. Fairly standard.
But the Long-Haired One just doesn't seem to understand this concept! Although I have never introduced myself by my full name, nor have referred to myself by it (not that I would talk about myself in third person like some megalomaniac douchebag), she insists on introducing me by my full name to members of our board, business contacts and contractors. She even goes as far as addressing me in email by my full name, but when she calls me, she'll used the shortened version. Why? Why can't she just use the name I call myself?
And in case you're curious, it's not like I'm asking to be called Trixie or Peaches or Sparkle. My shortened name is equally as respectable and business-friendly as my full name. Perhaps she finds it offensive, like her ex-BFF has the same name and I bring back terrible memories of fighting on the playground? Maybe she has a nemesis in our industry with my name that hates her guts? I just don't know. I suspect she just wants to control me or drive me crazy. I think the latter is winning.
Friday, November 21, 2008
My dentist keeps weird hours
I just want to preface this entry by saying that my dentist--who is now dentist to S & L--has the most awesome name in the history of the world. Unforunately, I can't type it here because even though I make fun of retards, I think it would be wrong to put his porn star-like name here for all the world to see. Let's just say it's sorta like "Dr. Adonis De Milo."
Anyway, I recently had to go to visit Dr. Pornstar to get fitted for my sexy new night guard. I suspect that it's a result of having worked here for more than 3 years, but lately I have started to grind my teeth down to nubs in my sleep.
I made an appointment, and they called the office to remind me of said appointment. However, they called early enough to avoid having to actually speak to anyone (one can only assume that they have had the misfortune of calling before, only to have to go through Special K to reach me). Special K checked the voicemails upon her arrival and left me this note:
Ok, a few observations:
They left the message on THE ANSWERING MACHINE. are you sure it wasn't YOUR MACHINE? There are so many machines here, I am glad you clarified...
"It is a courtesy/reminder/confirmation call"? Which one is it, Special K?!
Monday, November 10 in Dr. Pornstar's office at 1:00 (pm?) Nope, my dentist keeps weird hours. It's 1 am. Dentists now do this really cool middle-of-the-night scheduling. It's convenient.
Yeah, I'm a bitch, I shouldn't be so critical. But man, it's so annoying that she can't just leave a message that says:
Anyway, I recently had to go to visit Dr. Pornstar to get fitted for my sexy new night guard. I suspect that it's a result of having worked here for more than 3 years, but lately I have started to grind my teeth down to nubs in my sleep.
I made an appointment, and they called the office to remind me of said appointment. However, they called early enough to avoid having to actually speak to anyone (one can only assume that they have had the misfortune of calling before, only to have to go through Special K to reach me). Special K checked the voicemails upon her arrival and left me this note:
Thurs. 11/6/08
(8:55 am)
M-
A Telephone message was left for you on the answering machine.
Thurs.
8:23 am
It is a courtesy/reminder/confirmation call for:
Monday, November 17 in Dr. Pornstar's office at 1:00 (pm?). No telephone number was left in case you need to make a change to this plan (I also left this message on the answering machine in case you need to review it).
Special K
Ok, a few observations:
They left the message on THE ANSWERING MACHINE. are you sure it wasn't YOUR MACHINE? There are so many machines here, I am glad you clarified...
"It is a courtesy/reminder/confirmation call"? Which one is it, Special K?!
Monday, November 10 in Dr. Pornstar's office at 1:00 (pm?) Nope, my dentist keeps weird hours. It's 1 am. Dentists now do this really cool middle-of-the-night scheduling. It's convenient.
Yeah, I'm a bitch, I shouldn't be so critical. But man, it's so annoying that she can't just leave a message that says:
M-Your dentist left a message reminding you of your appointment at 1 pm on 1/17.
Or Monday...
Just to continue the previous post, we arrived at our desks yesterday morning to find a message sent by Special K at 8:57 am.
It doesn't conflict with my schedule because I'm out on a work trip all next week, suckas. But you know what? I didn't let her know. I just feel like ignoring the last line of her email, so I shall.
Oh, and S & L, I would like you to send Daily Fax Emails to my Crackberry while I'm on the road. Thanks.
To All Staff:
Good morning to you. This email is to alert you that NO STAFF MEETING will be held this morning (Thursday, November 20) in the conference room. The staff meeting will instead be held on Monday morning, November 24 – beginning promptly at 9:30 am. Please plan to attend, and also let me know if this day or time conflicts with your schedule.
With best wishes,
Sincerely,
Special K
It doesn't conflict with my schedule because I'm out on a work trip all next week, suckas. But you know what? I didn't let her know. I just feel like ignoring the last line of her email, so I shall.
Oh, and S & L, I would like you to send Daily Fax Emails to my Crackberry while I'm on the road. Thanks.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Bi-Weekly Weekly Meeting Every Wednesday That Takes Place Thursday
As you may know we have bi-weekly Wednesday staff meetings that occur at 9:15 sharp in the conference room.
And these meeting more often than not take place on off weeks, or every week, any given day of the week, at whatever time the boss lady feels like it. We either sit around waiting with our notes, or else we are surprised and unprepared.
It's just another example of how retarded daily life is here. And why it's understandable at times why Special K-- or any of us, for that matter-- have trouble keeping up.
Sent Tuesday 5:45pm:
To all Staff:
This is a brief reminder that a Staff meeting will be conducted in the conference room on Wednesday, November 12. The meeting is scheduled to begin at 9:15 am promptly. Please plan to attend.
Special K
Sent Wednesday 2:06 PM:
To all Staff:
We will not be conducting a Staff meeting this afternoon – replacing the Staff meeting that was scheduled for this morning (it was to be held in the conference room – beginning at 9:15 am).
A Staff meeting will be held in the conference room beginning at approximately 9:30 am on Thursday, November 20. Please plan to attend, and let me know if this particular date or time creates a problem for your attendance (at this meeting).
Thank you,
Special K
On the upside, M just ordered us a econo-pack of keyboard cleaner!... I wish I had a father....
And these meeting more often than not take place on off weeks, or every week, any given day of the week, at whatever time the boss lady feels like it. We either sit around waiting with our notes, or else we are surprised and unprepared.
It's just another example of how retarded daily life is here. And why it's understandable at times why Special K-- or any of us, for that matter-- have trouble keeping up.
Sent Tuesday 5:45pm:
To all Staff:
This is a brief reminder that a Staff meeting will be conducted in the conference room on Wednesday, November 12. The meeting is scheduled to begin at 9:15 am promptly. Please plan to attend.
Special K
Sent Wednesday 2:06 PM:
To all Staff:
We will not be conducting a Staff meeting this afternoon – replacing the Staff meeting that was scheduled for this morning (it was to be held in the conference room – beginning at 9:15 am).
A Staff meeting will be held in the conference room beginning at approximately 9:30 am on Thursday, November 20. Please plan to attend, and let me know if this particular date or time creates a problem for your attendance (at this meeting).
Thank you,
Special K
On the upside, M just ordered us a econo-pack of keyboard cleaner!... I wish I had a father....
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Alphabet Deemed Too Nebulous
My day to day work around here is pretty similar. In fact: I do the same damn thing every day. So whenever a new project comes around, I know the ins and outs of what my responsibilities will be. It's easy and mind-numbing, but whatever. I still get paid the same.
As I have mentioned before, documents I work on get passed around for edits, both in and out of our organization. This can be confusing, so I save the pertinent files, in their various forms, on our common drive. I never know when I'll be responsible for something that was deleted 17 edits ago, so this is smart!!
Usually, only I need my files, but on occasion the Long-Haired One will call upon me to produce some document, since printing is a skill that neither she, nor Special K seem to posses with much deftness. I have been asked to go into the Long-Haired One's office to simply open a file when she is inexplicably unable to do so, so this should come as no surprise.
Today, Special K needed to use my office while I was at lunch, presumably to get in on that fancy color printing I can do. I was simply thrilled that I had gotten out of this duty, and I skipped away to lunch. My joy would be short lived.
When I returned, I had a K-scrawled note on my chair (which was written on two 3 x 5 cards affixed with scotch tape) requesting I print several documents for the Long-Haired One "because she will be using this information." I had also been instructed to change the name of my files that contain the most current edit, lest one's basic reading skills fail in retrieving this information from the current document name. Annoying, but no biggie. I change the pertinent names to Current Project A, Current Project B, etc. What can I say, I'm creative!
Within minutes of hitting the send button on the email proclaiming this illustrious task complete, I get a phone call from the Long-Haired One. Apparently, K found it too confusing to look under "Current" for the necessary document, so I was to change the name, yet again, to make it easier. "I just don't think she is used to looking under 'C' in the files." Ok. So even if I tell her where the information is to be stored, and tell her the *NEW* standard for the file name, it's still too confusing to look under a different letter in the alphabet? Does anyone see a problem here?
Well, anyway, I'm sure you know I went and changed my files and they now say Project A Current, Project B Current, etc. I'm not the boss of me!
As I have mentioned before, documents I work on get passed around for edits, both in and out of our organization. This can be confusing, so I save the pertinent files, in their various forms, on our common drive. I never know when I'll be responsible for something that was deleted 17 edits ago, so this is smart!!
Usually, only I need my files, but on occasion the Long-Haired One will call upon me to produce some document, since printing is a skill that neither she, nor Special K seem to posses with much deftness. I have been asked to go into the Long-Haired One's office to simply open a file when she is inexplicably unable to do so, so this should come as no surprise.
Today, Special K needed to use my office while I was at lunch, presumably to get in on that fancy color printing I can do. I was simply thrilled that I had gotten out of this duty, and I skipped away to lunch. My joy would be short lived.
When I returned, I had a K-scrawled note on my chair (which was written on two 3 x 5 cards affixed with scotch tape) requesting I print several documents for the Long-Haired One "because she will be using this information." I had also been instructed to change the name of my files that contain the most current edit, lest one's basic reading skills fail in retrieving this information from the current document name. Annoying, but no biggie. I change the pertinent names to Current Project A, Current Project B, etc. What can I say, I'm creative!
Within minutes of hitting the send button on the email proclaiming this illustrious task complete, I get a phone call from the Long-Haired One. Apparently, K found it too confusing to look under "Current" for the necessary document, so I was to change the name, yet again, to make it easier. "I just don't think she is used to looking under 'C' in the files." Ok. So even if I tell her where the information is to be stored, and tell her the *NEW* standard for the file name, it's still too confusing to look under a different letter in the alphabet? Does anyone see a problem here?
Well, anyway, I'm sure you know I went and changed my files and they now say Project A Current, Project B Current, etc. I'm not the boss of me!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Speaking of things things that are here, then just go away and sometimes (please, dear god) come back again...
First off, I have to admit that I am still cold and cranky and probably will be until at least April or so. I am probably allowing my bitterness over the premature end of fall to impact my extreme hostility towards Special K at the moment.
I am the big spender in the company. I rack up hundreds of thousands of charges without batting an eyelash--EXCEPT that the boss lady is a penny-pincher, and thus I scrutinze every invoice that crosses my desk, knowing that if I don't she'll call me out on it later. Raw material costs went up since you created an estimate for us 4 years ago? She doesn't care, she thinks that we should be invoiced exactly what you quoted in 2003. The cost of fuel has gone up and therefore affected shipping charges? Well, it just so happens that we don't acknowledge fuel surcharges here, so can you please delete that line item? It's retarded. But I am used to retarded around here.
So on Monday I was doing my oh-so-favorite task of reviewing and coding invoices to pass along to our accountant, including one with a couple of charges that were actually the responsibility of a partnering institution. So I carefully marked up one copy of the original invoice for accountant, telling her exactly what to pay, and exactly what amount of foreign currency to order a check for in order to settle the bill. The other copy of the invoice was to be submitted with our payment, so again, I carefully marked it up to show the subtraction of the contested charges.
Our accountant ordered a check in foreign currency, then carefully explained to Special K that when it arrived, she was to:
1) make a photocopy of the check for her records
2) give the check and the marked-up invoice to me
This shouldn't require explanation, we do it very frequently and have for years, but we know what we're dealing with here...
The check arrived when I was at lunch, and Special K dutifully photocopied the check, and left the original (AND a copy of the purchase order for which I have utterly no use) on my chair. But no coded invoice. I thought perhaps our Accountant had forgotten to give Special K the invoice, so I went up to her office and explained that I really needed that copy back to send with the check, since it was critical to understanding why we were submitting payment for less than the full amount of the invoice. Seh said that K had been instructed to return it to me, and sent me back to Special K, who first claimed to have given it to the Accountant, then claimed to have given it to me, then shrugged and said it had just mysteriously disappeared.
I have actually asked her to call the foreign currency check issuer to see if she might have somehow handed it off to their courier (which would not be surprising--although I would expect her to randomly hand off odd pieces of our mail with it). So far that has turned up nothing. I also requested that she go through the various "files" on her desk (not really files, per se, as they have absolutely no order other than being an assortment of colored folders into which she inserts papers in an entirely random fashion). I even told her to look through her trash, since I have seen her sitting in her chair for long periods over the past few days and randomly tossing papers into her bin--I am quite certain that she is probably tossing critical financial records, and holding on to old annual leave requests from 1996. But alas, no luck.
I guess it's time to give up and request another from the issuer of the invoice, but as we all know around here, the second I do, the one I have been seeking will probably mysteriously appear on my coworker's chair. Grr.
I am the big spender in the company. I rack up hundreds of thousands of charges without batting an eyelash--EXCEPT that the boss lady is a penny-pincher, and thus I scrutinze every invoice that crosses my desk, knowing that if I don't she'll call me out on it later. Raw material costs went up since you created an estimate for us 4 years ago? She doesn't care, she thinks that we should be invoiced exactly what you quoted in 2003. The cost of fuel has gone up and therefore affected shipping charges? Well, it just so happens that we don't acknowledge fuel surcharges here, so can you please delete that line item? It's retarded. But I am used to retarded around here.
So on Monday I was doing my oh-so-favorite task of reviewing and coding invoices to pass along to our accountant, including one with a couple of charges that were actually the responsibility of a partnering institution. So I carefully marked up one copy of the original invoice for accountant, telling her exactly what to pay, and exactly what amount of foreign currency to order a check for in order to settle the bill. The other copy of the invoice was to be submitted with our payment, so again, I carefully marked it up to show the subtraction of the contested charges.
Our accountant ordered a check in foreign currency, then carefully explained to Special K that when it arrived, she was to:
1) make a photocopy of the check for her records
2) give the check and the marked-up invoice to me
This shouldn't require explanation, we do it very frequently and have for years, but we know what we're dealing with here...
The check arrived when I was at lunch, and Special K dutifully photocopied the check, and left the original (AND a copy of the purchase order for which I have utterly no use) on my chair. But no coded invoice. I thought perhaps our Accountant had forgotten to give Special K the invoice, so I went up to her office and explained that I really needed that copy back to send with the check, since it was critical to understanding why we were submitting payment for less than the full amount of the invoice. Seh said that K had been instructed to return it to me, and sent me back to Special K, who first claimed to have given it to the Accountant, then claimed to have given it to me, then shrugged and said it had just mysteriously disappeared.
I have actually asked her to call the foreign currency check issuer to see if she might have somehow handed it off to their courier (which would not be surprising--although I would expect her to randomly hand off odd pieces of our mail with it). So far that has turned up nothing. I also requested that she go through the various "files" on her desk (not really files, per se, as they have absolutely no order other than being an assortment of colored folders into which she inserts papers in an entirely random fashion). I even told her to look through her trash, since I have seen her sitting in her chair for long periods over the past few days and randomly tossing papers into her bin--I am quite certain that she is probably tossing critical financial records, and holding on to old annual leave requests from 1996. But alas, no luck.
I guess it's time to give up and request another from the issuer of the invoice, but as we all know around here, the second I do, the one I have been seeking will probably mysteriously appear on my coworker's chair. Grr.
The Bcc field teaches S something about life and loss
I was at work late last night, along with D and Special K, and after a particularly arduous and annoyingly hectic afternoon, was waiting to smoke a much-needed cigarette with D out back. I went to get him and found him hovering with Special K over Her Machine-- she seeming very flustered. Seems that Boss Lady had asked her to send an email with a "Bcc," and the "Bcc" field was not just not there. It was late, so I can only imagine how long after work hours Special K was trying to figure out this conundrum. I restored the Bcc field for her, she asked me how I did it, and I showed her, slowly, all the while knowing this information would never be retained. In any case, I assured her that this just happens. The Bcc field can go AWOL. It happens to everyone, it's not a big deal, and it's not her fault. Then she started mumbling and rambling about how things are here and then they just go away and sometimes they come back again. And sometimes they don't. And it happens to her all the time. Things are here one day, and gone the next. And it's not anything she does and is beyond her control and understanding.
I found this pretty profound, poetic, and telling.
I found this pretty profound, poetic, and telling.
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