This is what happens when you ask "Do we have a meeting tomorrow?"

Poor, poor S. In her last days, she made the tragic mistake of asking Special K if we happened to have a management meeting that week. One would think that this could be answered with something as simple as "yes" or "no." This was her response:

Dear S:

A tentative Management meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 10, 2009 (beginning at approximately 9:30am in the conference room). D should be back in the office by then, and as far as The Boss Lady knows, everyone on staff is scheduled to be here on that particular day (6/10/09). She has not set up any other current staff meetings or future staff meetings for the upcoming summer months as she believes people will be taking time off work. Thanks for the reminder though – I will alert the other staff members of this upcoming event. The Boss Lady and I are to discuss the dates for other meetings to be held during the summer months………… to be continued (and thanks again).

Also, I checked the mailing prices several times for hard cover books to be mailed to Germany. The least expensive price for mailing 4 catalogues is approximately $83.13 (by regular USPS mail). It will take approximately 6-10 days for delivery (Global Express mail costs $180.00 – with 1-3 days for delivery, and Express mail is approximately $109.02 with approximately a 5 day delivery period).

I will check to see if the mailing prices are any less expensive – I am going to call the Post Office and learn their actual mailing prices.

Special K

The Boss Lady then emailed S to let her know that the meeting was, in fact, Friday, June 12. A sheepish Special K then emailed onces more to all staff:

To all Staff:

I have made an error and wish to make an announcement. The next Management meeting will be held on Friday, June 12 (not June 10), beginning promptly at 9:30 am in the conference room. Please let me know if this creates a conflict in your schedule. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Special K

I responded that I was out on annual leave that week--as I am every year, and had repeatedly reminded her and The Boss Lady. Never fear, Special K replied that she was on top of that--"The Boss Lady is aware of this (and you and I don’t have to set up a conference call!! YIPPIE!!) – but still plans to hold the meeting. Thanks for the heads up. Special K"

Yippie, indeed.

So, there's been a bit of a hiatus

As you may have noticed, we haven't posted in a while. Part of it was that in spite of how frequently Special K gives us material, it sometimes ceases to be funny and begins to elicit only rage.

Part of it was that, tragically, we lost S from the office. Seriously, I can't begin to describe how much she is missed here.

Anyway, with S gone, and Special K being Special K, L and I were left to periodically vent to one another, which doesn't have quite the same appeal. Although we had been advised by some lawyer-y acquaintances that having this blog up for the world to see wasn't the smartest move, I have decided that I don't care. Enough of this wallowing. It's time for Special K to be in your lives once again.

Did I scare you?

We've all noted that none of us has ever seen Special K enter the restroom here in crazyland, aside from the one time that L caught her in there blowing her nose after the Long Haired One instructed her to do so. This is a particularly amazing feat when one considers that she commutes well over an hour each way to get to work. So to top off the numerous skills and special qualities we've mentioned, Special K can apparently "hold it" for at least 12 hours at a time.

I, on the other hand, find myself in the ladies' room periodically. And so when I was exiting the ladies' room and encountered Special K just outside the door, I didn't think that much of it. Except that she got a deer in headlights look, completely froze, and stared me down for a couple of seconds before blurting, "I am so sorry, did I scare you?! Excuse me."

I couldn't really manage much more than a look of disbelief and a slight shake if the head. No, Special K, you didn't scare me. I realize that I work in a small office, and that being the only one who works downstairs, I encounter the others less frequently than most people probably do in a normal work setting. Still, I recognize that I might just run into someone every now and then.

Maybe I should just learn to hold it.

I'M IN!

I've been a little under the weather, which makes me a little less observant. I had already gotten to work, signed in, turned on my computer, drank some Emergen-C, made some tea and gone over some invoices with our accountant before I returned to my desk and realized that I hadn't noticed Special K flitting around making weird grunts and faces this morning.

I was just sitting down to start checking my morning emails when I heard the door from the warehouse open loudly. I turned just in time to lock eyes with Special K as she breathlessly, robotically blurted "I'm in!!" I nodded and said "Yeah, we're fine here, no worries" to which she replied "Metro! Crazy! I'm in!"

I then heard her greet the Boss Lady on the stairs with "I'm in!" Boss Lady seemed equally dumbfounded about how to deal with the (bizarre) statement of the obvious.

Um, I'm late to work every once in a while, but I have never felt the urge to run around to tell everyone "I'm in!" Next time, I'm going to go greet everyone with "I'm here! Did you miss me?! OMG I'm late! But I'm here now!"

Prank call awesomeness

Ii just introduced a new reader to the blog, suggesting that he should consider prank calling Special K to shake things up a little on this Wednesday afternoon. He was kind enough to do so, and provide a transcript (names have been change to protect the guilty):

JB: Hey there, this is Jay Bruce calling about your email problems there.
SK: My email?
JB: Your company's email system is all messed up. You got anyone there with last names that start with C or X?
SK: See what?
JB: Last names that start with C or X. Yeah - their email is not going to work for the next fifteen minutes. The whole damn C and X systems are down.
SK: [silence]
JB: Alright, please tell anyone there with those emails that it's all messed up.
SK: [silence]
JB: Okay, you take care. Bye now.
SK: Buy what?

[end of transcript]

I went to share this with my coworkers and we were all about to pee ourselves. And since I AM, indeed, an employee whose last name begins with one of the aforementioned letters, I came back to my desk and called Special K to tell her I was having trouble with me email and asked if she was having problems with hers. She said no, and that she had no idea what was wrong, but that sometimes in the morning she has problems opening hers up and that it can be slow. She suggested I let S know, because she's our resident "expert" (you know, like she makes BCC fields reappear and other magic like that). I said I had, with no success. Special K told me that if she had any ideas, she would email me.

Then she came downstairs about two minutes later and asked if I was sure mine wasn't working, and said she had opened hers, and "there were a couple of icky ones waiting for me--you know, about sex." But that she gets those all the time.

My sides hurt from trying not to laugh, and it's taking all my willpower not to sign her up for gay porn now.

Or Monday...

Just to continue the previous post, we arrived at our desks yesterday morning to find a message sent by Special K at 8:57 am.

To All Staff:

Good morning to you. This email is to alert you that NO STAFF MEETING will be held this morning (Thursday, November 20) in the conference room. The staff meeting will instead be held on Monday morning, November 24 – beginning promptly at 9:30 am. Please plan to attend, and also let me know if this day or time conflicts with your schedule.

With best wishes,

Sincerely,

Special K

It doesn't conflict with my schedule because I'm out on a work trip all next week, suckas. But you know what? I didn't let her know. I just feel like ignoring the last line of her email, so I shall.

Oh, and S & L, I would like you to send Daily Fax Emails to my Crackberry while I'm on the road. Thanks.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Me. Knock-knock. Who's there? Me. Knock-knock...

I frequently use my designated lunch hour to get some exercise. We are lucky to have a access to a decent running trail here at Crazyland, so I like to get out and get some fresh air, and if I'm lucky, forget the screwy work load I'll be returning to. It's a bit cumbersome to take my key fob with me -- I'm clumsy, and I'm apt to lose it -- so for the past few months I have been ringing our buzzer and waiting for Special K to buzz me in. I can see how this might be an imposition for her. After all, she could be busy responding to dinner invitations (see previous post) or taking medication (diddo), so who am I to take time out of her busy schedule with such an arduous task? It seems way better than constantly losing and replacing my key fob, so I burden poor K with this job a few times a week. I have yet to ask her how she feels about this.

Anyway, the very first time I enacted this procedure (out of necessity, actually -- I had forgotten my key fob), I buzzed, was let in, and then met by K speeding down the stairs, hand over her palpitating heart, spewing something about "not knowing who I was." Fair enough. I'm sure the view from the security cameras doesn't give you an accurate picture of my cute mug, so it was probably a good precaution to confirm my identity. I nodded my understanding (remember: always nod) and went about my business.

It probably doesn't surprise you that this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I go running. Without fail, I buzz, am let in (sometimes I even have to buzz twice) and am met by Special K, always with the hand over the heart, always with the look of grave concern about who she may have just let in to our ultra-secure environment. I usually say something along the lines of "oh, just me!" or "ooops, sorry to scare you!" Lately, I've become more assertive and have asked, "didn't you see it was just me, K?" or the kinder, "oh, just little ol' me....same as yesterday."

It's not that I doubt the thief-dressed-as-runner-scenario -- I'm sure it's happened more than once in this world. It's just that idea that it might happen every single day, by the same woman (who waves, joyfully to the camera to facilitate her identification), at the exact same time. I mean really.