I'm so glad Special K is so thoughtful that she always gives it.
I've made it a habit to be a minute or two late to meetings, since "advance" warning here tends to mean "ten minutes after it was still relevant." Case in point, this message, which was sent at 9:29 am regarding our 9:30 am meeting.
To all Staff:
The time for beginning the Management meeting that is scheduled to begin at 9:30 am this morning (Wednesday, 7/1/09) in the conference room has been changed. The current start time for the meeting will be 10am (this morning in the conference room). I will inform you of other changes if any occur. Thank you. With best wishes.
Sincerely,
Special K
For the record, we have never in the history of my working here had a single staff meeting anywhere but the conference room. But thanks so much for always making it clear, Special K!
Monday, September 27, 2010
I'm sorry. So sorry.
Dear M:
My apologies for disturbing you. You just received a telephone call from Lisa of MA Company. She wanted to speak with you about mailing something relating to a show. She did not leave a telephone number, email address, or mention which show to which she was referring. She stated that she was going to email you a message – even though she knows that you will be out of the office until next week. I have no further information for you, sorry.
Special K
You're sorry? Somehow I don't think you are. And even though I read this on my Blackberry while relaxing on the beach, I still wanted to punch you while reading it.
My apologies for disturbing you. You just received a telephone call from Lisa of MA Company. She wanted to speak with you about mailing something relating to a show. She did not leave a telephone number, email address, or mention which show to which she was referring. She stated that she was going to email you a message – even though she knows that you will be out of the office until next week. I have no further information for you, sorry.
Special K
You're sorry? Somehow I don't think you are. And even though I read this on my Blackberry while relaxing on the beach, I still wanted to punch you while reading it.
Um, are we "on-line"?
In the continued saga of getting books to Germany, Special K sent the following to S:
Dear S:
The post office has not yet returned my telephone call regarding the mailing of catalogues to Germany. Checking the costs of sending these boxes of catalogues via on-line is $205.00 (one box of 6 catalogues is $123.03 if calculated “on-line” and one box of 3 catalogues is $71.73 if calculated “on-line”). I am still awaiting a response or confirmation from one of the area post offices.
Special K
I love sending things via on-line, don't you? By the way, the people who are conducting business over the phone are the same people who would type “on-line.”
Dear S:
The post office has not yet returned my telephone call regarding the mailing of catalogues to Germany. Checking the costs of sending these boxes of catalogues via on-line is $205.00 (one box of 6 catalogues is $123.03 if calculated “on-line” and one box of 3 catalogues is $71.73 if calculated “on-line”). I am still awaiting a response or confirmation from one of the area post offices.
Special K
I love sending things via on-line, don't you? By the way, the people who are conducting business over the phone are the same people who would type “on-line.”
This is what happens when you ask "Do we have a meeting tomorrow?"
Poor, poor S. In her last days, she made the tragic mistake of asking Special K if we happened to have a management meeting that week. One would think that this could be answered with something as simple as "yes" or "no." This was her response:
Dear S:
A tentative Management meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 10, 2009 (beginning at approximately 9:30am in the conference room). D should be back in the office by then, and as far as The Boss Lady knows, everyone on staff is scheduled to be here on that particular day (6/10/09). She has not set up any other current staff meetings or future staff meetings for the upcoming summer months as she believes people will be taking time off work. Thanks for the reminder though – I will alert the other staff members of this upcoming event. The Boss Lady and I are to discuss the dates for other meetings to be held during the summer months………… to be continued (and thanks again).
Also, I checked the mailing prices several times for hard cover books to be mailed to Germany. The least expensive price for mailing 4 catalogues is approximately $83.13 (by regular USPS mail). It will take approximately 6-10 days for delivery (Global Express mail costs $180.00 – with 1-3 days for delivery, and Express mail is approximately $109.02 with approximately a 5 day delivery period).
I will check to see if the mailing prices are any less expensive – I am going to call the Post Office and learn their actual mailing prices.
Special K
The Boss Lady then emailed S to let her know that the meeting was, in fact, Friday, June 12. A sheepish Special K then emailed onces more to all staff:
To all Staff:
I have made an error and wish to make an announcement. The next Management meeting will be held on Friday, June 12 (not June 10), beginning promptly at 9:30 am in the conference room. Please let me know if this creates a conflict in your schedule. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Special K
I responded that I was out on annual leave that week--as I am every year, and had repeatedly reminded her and The Boss Lady. Never fear, Special K replied that she was on top of that--"The Boss Lady is aware of this (and you and I don’t have to set up a conference call!! YIPPIE!!) – but still plans to hold the meeting. Thanks for the heads up. Special K"
Yippie, indeed.
Dear S:
A tentative Management meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 10, 2009 (beginning at approximately 9:30am in the conference room). D should be back in the office by then, and as far as The Boss Lady knows, everyone on staff is scheduled to be here on that particular day (6/10/09). She has not set up any other current staff meetings or future staff meetings for the upcoming summer months as she believes people will be taking time off work. Thanks for the reminder though – I will alert the other staff members of this upcoming event. The Boss Lady and I are to discuss the dates for other meetings to be held during the summer months………… to be continued (and thanks again).
Also, I checked the mailing prices several times for hard cover books to be mailed to Germany. The least expensive price for mailing 4 catalogues is approximately $83.13 (by regular USPS mail). It will take approximately 6-10 days for delivery (Global Express mail costs $180.00 – with 1-3 days for delivery, and Express mail is approximately $109.02 with approximately a 5 day delivery period).
I will check to see if the mailing prices are any less expensive – I am going to call the Post Office and learn their actual mailing prices.
Special K
The Boss Lady then emailed S to let her know that the meeting was, in fact, Friday, June 12. A sheepish Special K then emailed onces more to all staff:
To all Staff:
I have made an error and wish to make an announcement. The next Management meeting will be held on Friday, June 12 (not June 10), beginning promptly at 9:30 am in the conference room. Please let me know if this creates a conflict in your schedule. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Special K
I responded that I was out on annual leave that week--as I am every year, and had repeatedly reminded her and The Boss Lady. Never fear, Special K replied that she was on top of that--"The Boss Lady is aware of this (and you and I don’t have to set up a conference call!! YIPPIE!!) – but still plans to hold the meeting. Thanks for the heads up. Special K"
Yippie, indeed.
So, there's been a bit of a hiatus
As you may have noticed, we haven't posted in a while. Part of it was that in spite of how frequently Special K gives us material, it sometimes ceases to be funny and begins to elicit only rage.
Part of it was that, tragically, we lost S from the office. Seriously, I can't begin to describe how much she is missed here.
Anyway, with S gone, and Special K being Special K, L and I were left to periodically vent to one another, which doesn't have quite the same appeal. Although we had been advised by some lawyer-y acquaintances that having this blog up for the world to see wasn't the smartest move, I have decided that I don't care. Enough of this wallowing. It's time for Special K to be in your lives once again.
Part of it was that, tragically, we lost S from the office. Seriously, I can't begin to describe how much she is missed here.
Anyway, with S gone, and Special K being Special K, L and I were left to periodically vent to one another, which doesn't have quite the same appeal. Although we had been advised by some lawyer-y acquaintances that having this blog up for the world to see wasn't the smartest move, I have decided that I don't care. Enough of this wallowing. It's time for Special K to be in your lives once again.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I Will, Undeniably, Go Crazy...
It has been some time since we have written, which I attribute to a noticeable lack of humor in our day-to-day operations. I think some things are only funny when they happen to other people -- like falling down stairs or catching an STD. Oh, and this job!
The latest:
From: K
To:L
Subject: HELP PLEASE!!!
Dear L:
I need your assistance as soon as you are available – I am to send documents (PDF) to Contact Person. I undeniably tried to use your machine on Wednesday night to no avail and desperately need your assistance and another lesson when you are available. Many thanks and my sincere apologies.
K
I'm not sure where to start with this email, which was sent 2 hours after the close of business one day. If you've read earlier posts, you know that Special K isn't computer-savvy (or "machine"-savvy to use her word!), so it is understandable that after teaching her a dozen or so times how to attach a Pdf to an email, "another lesson" might be needed.
I was actually impressed with all the solutions K tried before sending this desperate email so late in the night. When I turned on my "machine" that morning, I saw several copies of the same document saved to my desktop, which I later learned was the product of a lesson or lessons I had taught K several weeks before about how to use a scanner. Since she couldn't attach the Pdf, she had used my scanner to scan the document (she was able to remember that after scanning something, it could be saved as a Pdf -- impressive!) and try and send it that way. Instead I ended up with 14 copies of the same letter on my desktop, and K ended up frustrated and unable to find her work.
She also used my email (no different from hers, mind you) to try and send it, in case my account was more agreeable. There were a dozen blank emails from me to her as she tried into the night to send the Pdf, probably racing from my computer to hers to check if the experiment worked.
When I finally showed her, again, how easily and flawlessly a Pdf can be attached to an email, she muttered something about how different our "machines" are and how she wasn't sure that anyone uses Pdfs anyway. Since this incident, I have had to do this exact same thing at least three more times.
Today isn't over yet. Maybe it will be four!
The latest:
From: K
To:L
Subject: HELP PLEASE!!!
Dear L:
I need your assistance as soon as you are available – I am to send documents (PDF) to Contact Person. I undeniably tried to use your machine on Wednesday night to no avail and desperately need your assistance and another lesson when you are available. Many thanks and my sincere apologies.
K
I'm not sure where to start with this email, which was sent 2 hours after the close of business one day. If you've read earlier posts, you know that Special K isn't computer-savvy (or "machine"-savvy to use her word!), so it is understandable that after teaching her a dozen or so times how to attach a Pdf to an email, "another lesson" might be needed.
I was actually impressed with all the solutions K tried before sending this desperate email so late in the night. When I turned on my "machine" that morning, I saw several copies of the same document saved to my desktop, which I later learned was the product of a lesson or lessons I had taught K several weeks before about how to use a scanner. Since she couldn't attach the Pdf, she had used my scanner to scan the document (she was able to remember that after scanning something, it could be saved as a Pdf -- impressive!) and try and send it that way. Instead I ended up with 14 copies of the same letter on my desktop, and K ended up frustrated and unable to find her work.
She also used my email (no different from hers, mind you) to try and send it, in case my account was more agreeable. There were a dozen blank emails from me to her as she tried into the night to send the Pdf, probably racing from my computer to hers to check if the experiment worked.
When I finally showed her, again, how easily and flawlessly a Pdf can be attached to an email, she muttered something about how different our "machines" are and how she wasn't sure that anyone uses Pdfs anyway. Since this incident, I have had to do this exact same thing at least three more times.
Today isn't over yet. Maybe it will be four!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Brain News
On my way out to lunch today, I caught Special K holding up high to see -- and pretty engrossed in -- a periodical entitled "Brain News."
I barely managed to not laugh until I got to the top of the steps.
I barely managed to not laugh until I got to the top of the steps.
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