This is what happens when you ask "Do we have a meeting tomorrow?"

Poor, poor S. In her last days, she made the tragic mistake of asking Special K if we happened to have a management meeting that week. One would think that this could be answered with something as simple as "yes" or "no." This was her response:

Dear S:

A tentative Management meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday, June 10, 2009 (beginning at approximately 9:30am in the conference room). D should be back in the office by then, and as far as The Boss Lady knows, everyone on staff is scheduled to be here on that particular day (6/10/09). She has not set up any other current staff meetings or future staff meetings for the upcoming summer months as she believes people will be taking time off work. Thanks for the reminder though – I will alert the other staff members of this upcoming event. The Boss Lady and I are to discuss the dates for other meetings to be held during the summer months………… to be continued (and thanks again).

Also, I checked the mailing prices several times for hard cover books to be mailed to Germany. The least expensive price for mailing 4 catalogues is approximately $83.13 (by regular USPS mail). It will take approximately 6-10 days for delivery (Global Express mail costs $180.00 – with 1-3 days for delivery, and Express mail is approximately $109.02 with approximately a 5 day delivery period).

I will check to see if the mailing prices are any less expensive – I am going to call the Post Office and learn their actual mailing prices.

Special K

The Boss Lady then emailed S to let her know that the meeting was, in fact, Friday, June 12. A sheepish Special K then emailed onces more to all staff:

To all Staff:

I have made an error and wish to make an announcement. The next Management meeting will be held on Friday, June 12 (not June 10), beginning promptly at 9:30 am in the conference room. Please let me know if this creates a conflict in your schedule. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Special K

I responded that I was out on annual leave that week--as I am every year, and had repeatedly reminded her and The Boss Lady. Never fear, Special K replied that she was on top of that--"The Boss Lady is aware of this (and you and I don’t have to set up a conference call!! YIPPIE!!) – but still plans to hold the meeting. Thanks for the heads up. Special K"

Yippie, indeed.

What can brown do for you, you ask?

Although we get really wrapped up in the weirdness that is Special K, we have some other odd characters around here. MACK has been mentioned before. But there's also a rather creepy UPS dude who totally has the hots for our sweet little intern, A. I allowed her to guest blog here about him--partially because she has just been hired on as my assistant. It's only right that we all share the crazy around here.

Well let me first say that it’s an honor to be guest posting here on TheDailyFaxEmailBlog. The cult following is growing.

My story begins as I am diligently working here in Crazyland as the resident gopher (aka intern). You can call me A. M and I work on the bottom floor, the only two employees down here, condemned to work next to the cold and blustery warehouse. We also have the annoying job of having to answer the front and back doors when any visitors ring (of which there is a weird assortment every day), even though there is a buzzer system. For some reason K, and the outsiders sometimes, cannot seem to figure this out because we still have to open the doors while she runs down the stairs (I don’t want to be there the day she falls down them… ouch). The added luxury of having a video surveillance monitor on her desk must be too mind-boggling. Any who, it is on one of these trips that I let in the Usually un-Pleasant Suspect (Mr. UPS) and receive, along with a package, some creepy vibes. It begins with “the look,” accompanied with a smile too eerie for words, and is usually followed by some scheme to find out my name. This time he straight out asked for my FIRST name (I know how deliveries work and its last names you ask for) and hopefully just pretended to punch it into his little scanner machine. Yuck. Then on the way out he playfully asks me if people call me by A___ (nickname), to which I responded with a blank “sometimes.” Double yuck. Just the most recent chapter in my soap opera affair with the UPS guy. Another time, he told me he liked girls with curly hair (guilty as charged). He then proceeded to tell me a long story about… I don’t really know what, I tuned out. But since then, I do not regret waking up an extra hour early to straighten my hair. Maybe if I’m lucky, the next time he comes we’ll have a nickname connection!

I am also the recipient of a brand spanking new 6-month contract here in Crazyland. Thanks for the warning M, S, and L!

Can I just say it's so cute to watch her cringe as he gets all googly-eyed and smiles at her, and Special K flits down the stairs to see who the f*@k she just let in the door?

An Afternoon Delight: Meeting Special K

We have the rare treat of having a guest blogger here, one of the few outsiders to gain entry into our realm of secrets. While I am happy that my relative was treated with kindness and respect by the office-- well except for L who took a crowbar to his kneecaps for no reason at all!!! -- I can't help but be disapointed he didn't get "the full crazy."

My heart beat with anticipation; after years of speaking to Special K on the phone, I was finally going to meet her. No longer would she only be a weird robotic voice that I always think is a voicemail prompt, I would finally be able to interact with this mysterious being in the flesh. Plans had been made for me to swing by the office for lunch, and I was filled with excitement walking through the chilly November air from a public transportation stop to the office.
I pressed the buzzer cautiously as I played scenarios in my head of what could occur. Would she bar me entry to the office? Would she question who I would visit there? Would she attack me like a caged monkey? After a short wait, the door was opened for me and I entered the threshold. Surveying the area, I surmised that Special K would be descending from the stairs, much like God to the huddled masses. She then appeared – for so long Special K was a character of legend and now she stood before me. I tried my best to be on my p’s and q;s as to not startle her with my shifty ways. She spoke and asked me how she could help me. I replied that I was there to visit S. Her response to me was “and you are?” I could see her eyes widen and suspicions to my character raised. I quickly tried to quell her xenophobia by informing her that I was a relative of S. As if we were old college chums, I was greeted with warmth and shuffled up the stairs to S’s office. Special K warmed up to me and seemed…..almost……lifelike.
The true surprise of my visit came from meeting the Long-Haired One. Apparently she took quite a shine to me. I can’t help my irresistible charm to the ladies.