I'm sorry. So sorry.

Dear M:

My apologies for disturbing you. You just received a telephone call from Lisa of MA Company. She wanted to speak with you about mailing something relating to a show. She did not leave a telephone number, email address, or mention which show to which she was referring. She stated that she was going to email you a message – even though she knows that you will be out of the office until next week. I have no further information for you, sorry.

Special K

You're sorry? Somehow I don't think you are. And even though I read this on my Blackberry while relaxing on the beach, I still wanted to punch you while reading it.

So, there's been a bit of a hiatus

As you may have noticed, we haven't posted in a while. Part of it was that in spite of how frequently Special K gives us material, it sometimes ceases to be funny and begins to elicit only rage.

Part of it was that, tragically, we lost S from the office. Seriously, I can't begin to describe how much she is missed here.

Anyway, with S gone, and Special K being Special K, L and I were left to periodically vent to one another, which doesn't have quite the same appeal. Although we had been advised by some lawyer-y acquaintances that having this blog up for the world to see wasn't the smartest move, I have decided that I don't care. Enough of this wallowing. It's time for Special K to be in your lives once again.

Or Monday...

Just to continue the previous post, we arrived at our desks yesterday morning to find a message sent by Special K at 8:57 am.

To All Staff:

Good morning to you. This email is to alert you that NO STAFF MEETING will be held this morning (Thursday, November 20) in the conference room. The staff meeting will instead be held on Monday morning, November 24 – beginning promptly at 9:30 am. Please plan to attend, and also let me know if this day or time conflicts with your schedule.

With best wishes,

Sincerely,

Special K

It doesn't conflict with my schedule because I'm out on a work trip all next week, suckas. But you know what? I didn't let her know. I just feel like ignoring the last line of her email, so I shall.

Oh, and S & L, I would like you to send Daily Fax Emails to my Crackberry while I'm on the road. Thanks.

It all "began" with "a" door stop

This is a blog written by three girls who spend their professional lives in a very weird office. S has been here the longest of the three, with more than 6 years under her belt. I have passed the 3 year mark. And poor L is a newbie, still getting used to crazyville. After a few months of working here, L finally got up the courage to ask if she was alone in feeling that Special K (our director's assistant) was, well, nuts. That's when S and I had to tell her about the "door stop" email, which I reprint here:

To everyone:
Has anyone seen the “rubber” door stop that is used to “prop” doors open in the warehouse (it usually sits by the warehouse door – the door closer to the front door that leads into the warehouse)? If so, please return it to its designated area. We have a second door stop that is made from “wood,” but does not always seem to do the job as well. Any additional ideas would be greatly appreciated. It has been suggested to me that a second rubber door stop be ordered for our use if the other “rubber” door stop is not “discovered” within the next few days.
Thanks,
XXX

Pretty much all of her emails are a bit off-kilter, but this one was especially fabulous. The unnecesssary quotations, the passive aggressiveness, the gravity of the tone of the email about a $3 door stop...

It was with the sharing of this email that we finally came to terms with the fact that it is, indeed, ok to laugh. And I should explain here that Special K has had a rough go of things. She had a brain tumor, and to get rid of a brain tumor, you inevitably remove part of the brain. Thus it is totally un-PC for us to make fun of her, but damnit, it's funny. Actually, dealing with her is infuriating and makes you want to bash your head into the wall on a regular basis, so trying to find some humor in the situation is really quite therapeutic. And necessary.