Um, are we "on-line"?

In the continued saga of getting books to Germany, Special K sent the following to S:

Dear S:

The post office has not yet returned my telephone call regarding the mailing of catalogues to Germany. Checking the costs of sending these boxes of catalogues via on-line is $205.00 (one box of 6 catalogues is $123.03 if calculated “on-line” and one box of 3 catalogues is $71.73 if calculated “on-line”). I am still awaiting a response or confirmation from one of the area post offices.

Special K

I love sending things via on-line, don't you? By the way, the people who are conducting business over the phone are the same people who would type “on-line.”

Arghhhh, me Special K

So Friday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I think great fun could be had by planning out conversations with Special K entirely in pirate-speak. So far all I am coming up with is "Argghh, ye really ought ta' say 'just an F.Y. Ayeee' a bit more, me darlin'"