Um, are we "on-line"?

In the continued saga of getting books to Germany, Special K sent the following to S:

Dear S:

The post office has not yet returned my telephone call regarding the mailing of catalogues to Germany. Checking the costs of sending these boxes of catalogues via on-line is $205.00 (one box of 6 catalogues is $123.03 if calculated “on-line” and one box of 3 catalogues is $71.73 if calculated “on-line”). I am still awaiting a response or confirmation from one of the area post offices.

Special K

I love sending things via on-line, don't you? By the way, the people who are conducting business over the phone are the same people who would type “on-line.”

An Afternoon Delight: Meeting Special K

We have the rare treat of having a guest blogger here, one of the few outsiders to gain entry into our realm of secrets. While I am happy that my relative was treated with kindness and respect by the office-- well except for L who took a crowbar to his kneecaps for no reason at all!!! -- I can't help but be disapointed he didn't get "the full crazy."

My heart beat with anticipation; after years of speaking to Special K on the phone, I was finally going to meet her. No longer would she only be a weird robotic voice that I always think is a voicemail prompt, I would finally be able to interact with this mysterious being in the flesh. Plans had been made for me to swing by the office for lunch, and I was filled with excitement walking through the chilly November air from a public transportation stop to the office.
I pressed the buzzer cautiously as I played scenarios in my head of what could occur. Would she bar me entry to the office? Would she question who I would visit there? Would she attack me like a caged monkey? After a short wait, the door was opened for me and I entered the threshold. Surveying the area, I surmised that Special K would be descending from the stairs, much like God to the huddled masses. She then appeared – for so long Special K was a character of legend and now she stood before me. I tried my best to be on my p’s and q;s as to not startle her with my shifty ways. She spoke and asked me how she could help me. I replied that I was there to visit S. Her response to me was “and you are?” I could see her eyes widen and suspicions to my character raised. I quickly tried to quell her xenophobia by informing her that I was a relative of S. As if we were old college chums, I was greeted with warmth and shuffled up the stairs to S’s office. Special K warmed up to me and seemed…..almost……lifelike.
The true surprise of my visit came from meeting the Long-Haired One. Apparently she took quite a shine to me. I can’t help my irresistible charm to the ladies.