Did I scare you?

We've all noted that none of us has ever seen Special K enter the restroom here in crazyland, aside from the one time that L caught her in there blowing her nose after the Long Haired One instructed her to do so. This is a particularly amazing feat when one considers that she commutes well over an hour each way to get to work. So to top off the numerous skills and special qualities we've mentioned, Special K can apparently "hold it" for at least 12 hours at a time.

I, on the other hand, find myself in the ladies' room periodically. And so when I was exiting the ladies' room and encountered Special K just outside the door, I didn't think that much of it. Except that she got a deer in headlights look, completely froze, and stared me down for a couple of seconds before blurting, "I am so sorry, did I scare you?! Excuse me."

I couldn't really manage much more than a look of disbelief and a slight shake if the head. No, Special K, you didn't scare me. I realize that I work in a small office, and that being the only one who works downstairs, I encounter the others less frequently than most people probably do in a normal work setting. Still, I recognize that I might just run into someone every now and then.

Maybe I should just learn to hold it.

Speaking of things things that are here, then just go away and sometimes (please, dear god) come back again...

First off, I have to admit that I am still cold and cranky and probably will be until at least April or so. I am probably allowing my bitterness over the premature end of fall to impact my extreme hostility towards Special K at the moment.

I am the big spender in the company. I rack up hundreds of thousands of charges without batting an eyelash--EXCEPT that the boss lady is a penny-pincher, and thus I scrutinze every invoice that crosses my desk, knowing that if I don't she'll call me out on it later. Raw material costs went up since you created an estimate for us 4 years ago? She doesn't care, she thinks that we should be invoiced exactly what you quoted in 2003. The cost of fuel has gone up and therefore affected shipping charges? Well, it just so happens that we don't acknowledge fuel surcharges here, so can you please delete that line item? It's retarded. But I am used to retarded around here.

So on Monday I was doing my oh-so-favorite task of reviewing and coding invoices to pass along to our accountant, including one with a couple of charges that were actually the responsibility of a partnering institution. So I carefully marked up one copy of the original invoice for accountant, telling her exactly what to pay, and exactly what amount of foreign currency to order a check for in order to settle the bill. The other copy of the invoice was to be submitted with our payment, so again, I carefully marked it up to show the subtraction of the contested charges.

Our accountant ordered a check in foreign currency, then carefully explained to Special K that when it arrived, she was to:

1) make a photocopy of the check for her records
2) give the check and the marked-up invoice to me

This shouldn't require explanation, we do it very frequently and have for years, but we know what we're dealing with here...

The check arrived when I was at lunch, and Special K dutifully photocopied the check, and left the original (AND a copy of the purchase order for which I have utterly no use) on my chair. But no coded invoice. I thought perhaps our Accountant had forgotten to give Special K the invoice, so I went up to her office and explained that I really needed that copy back to send with the check, since it was critical to understanding why we were submitting payment for less than the full amount of the invoice. Seh said that K had been instructed to return it to me, and sent me back to Special K, who first claimed to have given it to the Accountant, then claimed to have given it to me, then shrugged and said it had just mysteriously disappeared.

I have actually asked her to call the foreign currency check issuer to see if she might have somehow handed it off to their courier (which would not be surprising--although I would expect her to randomly hand off odd pieces of our mail with it). So far that has turned up nothing. I also requested that she go through the various "files" on her desk (not really files, per se, as they have absolutely no order other than being an assortment of colored folders into which she inserts papers in an entirely random fashion). I even told her to look through her trash, since I have seen her sitting in her chair for long periods over the past few days and randomly tossing papers into her bin--I am quite certain that she is probably tossing critical financial records, and holding on to old annual leave requests from 1996. But alas, no luck.

I guess it's time to give up and request another from the issuer of the invoice, but as we all know around here, the second I do, the one I have been seeking will probably mysteriously appear on my coworker's chair. Grr.

Special K declines invitation to top secret pizza party

Since the boss lady is out of town, we are having our traditional lunch hour pizza party. Organizing the party involves asking all 5 or so staff members if they'll be here, and using a telephone to order a pizza to eat. I bravely assume this perilous task, as I place the good of all mankind above my own safety. (Yes, we have been "busted" for this before... you know by now not to ask). Sometimes we have gone so far as to take the pizza boxes -- the evidence -- to another dumpster, well aware that in doing so, we too have succumbed to the craziness of this place.

I invited Special K to join us. She declined, citing something about having an "emergency appointment" (sans card) 2 hours after the party. Well maybe she can't eat pizza today for whatever reason (in fact, I've hardly ever seen her eat at all, nor use the restroom -- see previous post), so I asked her to still join us. I guarantee you she will not. This means she will be quietly sitting at her desk and we will all be in plain view of each other. It is weird. But what isn't at this point.

Wait, I told her about the secret pizza party... does that mean I must kill her?